The line
No this isn’t about the line at the AT&T store to get the iPhone. I did get one after waiting in line since 12:30 that afternoon. So did the person that just randomly walked off the street an hour and a half later without waiting in line. Yep, it took ‘em 2 and a half hours to sell out. I actually went back to buy another for ebay and the guy in front of me bought the last one. Oh well.
Waiting in that line all afternoon was actually good for me. It was therapeutic. I was just sitting and actually looking forward to something. So much has been going on that has such heavy implications that I just haven’t been looking forward to it without some sort of fear clouding it. But the iPhone, I could wait…and wait and just look forward to something with no concerns. It was good.
Now, the other line.
The line that I’m talking about now is the line where Man stops and God begins, or the other line that Man draws to limit God and keep Him "in the box". We have been told by the doctors in Atlanta that Baby Payne has HLHS and an obstructed atrial septum. They told us that we have two options, have Baby Payne in Atlanta, which due to their limitations they wouldn’t be able to perform the immediately needed stent procedure, so it would basically be hospice care. Love the baby with all you’ve got for the few minutes or so that you have it, then leave it in the hands of God. That’s one choice, barring any miraculous intervention from God.
The other choice was to go to Philly so that they could deliver the baby and perform the immediate heart stent operation on the baby. We found out from one of the doctors up there that they may have done about 15 of these surgeries in the last year, and have had good outcomes on 3 or 4. By good outcome I mean the baby survived. At that point the quality of life comes into question because these are things that will most likely have to be redone several times in the baby’s life, to keep the child alive until maybe it can have a heart transplant.
Since we’ve heard about the possibility of going to Philly I haven’t felt the sense of peace with it that I hoped. I felt that this was us doing whatever man could do, forcing the issue, and not letting God be God. This may sound crazy to some of you, especially a non-Christian, but I have seen God miraculously heal someone. My step-dad was healed of cancer overnight after praying for healing. So I know that if God has planned for us to have a healthy baby, then we will have one, no matter what medical procedures are required. If He has other plans for this baby, including taking it to be with Him earlier than we would like, then we’ve got to be okay with that too.
We have prayed for a healthy baby for over 4 years. We have prayed for this baby every day of its life in the womb. We’ve been reading Psalm 91 over this child ever since we found out the diagnosis. I know God can heal this baby, I don’t have any doubts. Is that His plan? Now that I don’t know, and I’m okay with it.
There are many things that come into play in this decision; how does it make us look as parents, how does it affect the other family members, how does it affect this baby? All of these we have to consider. I have to say that as of right now, I have more peace about staying in Atlanta than I do about going to Philly. I do not view this as giving up, only giving in to what God wants to do. We’re giving Him complete control in this situation and the outcome will depend on His intervention. No one wants this baby more than Sunette and I. It took us a long time to have this baby and now, like Abraham, we have to be willing to give this child up and let God do whatever He’s going to do.
As I write this I can only imagine that this looks like foolishness to the world. Well this is where our peace is at the moment. Please pray for wisdom for us.
